A while back I made the discovery that cattle aren't as dumb as most people think. After many years of careful field observation, I determined that they speak a simple language, and actually have a vocabulary of over 100 words (they just get a real kick out of saying "moo"). Below is a rough gloss of Kine, the language of cattle. Note that this is one specific dialect (Wisconsin-Holstein) and that there may be substantial variations by region or breed.
| e | as in bell |
| h | as in hay |
| m | as in mud |
| n | as in nudge |
| o | as in hole |
| oo | as in soon |
| ooo | (like oo above, but held longer) |
| r | as in ruminate |
| u | as in udder |
| uu | (like u above, but held longer) |
| uuu | (like uu above, but held even longer) |
| x | like sh in shinola |
| ' | glottal stop |
The pronunciation key above is the closest approximation to bovine phonemes that can be made with the human mouth. All vowels and nasals are substantially more nasalized that in human languages, aspirants and fricatives are made with a substantially greater air flow through the mouth and nasal passages, and the sound represented by the glottal stop is actually made by touching five pounds of tongue to a maxillary ridge.
The Wisconsin-Holstein dialect appeared to have almost no grammar whatsoever. The article indicating negation (x') is prepended to the word to be negated, and only negates that word. The verb rheh (to eat) is never used in context with meruuu (grass) - instead the words muum, xemmo, and hruunuuu are used. The words huuuhm, mo', and xoomm are often not meant litterally, but are used in a derogatory manner.
Word order in Kine is extremely flexible, with the part of speech of a word indicated by prefixes. Verbs have the prefix uuuh'. The lack of a verb in a sentence indicates a statement of existence or description of the subject.
The first noun in an utterance is taken as the subject of the sentence.
There are two pronouns, meh (self) and muuun (non-self)
The prefix eh' on a noun inticates that it is the possessor of the preceeding noun.
The prefix h' is used to indicate a plural. There are no numbers in Kine as cattle are apparently unable to count past one.
Nouns may be compounded to form more complex nouns, with the most prominent noun coming first.
There is no way to express verb tense, aspect, or mode in Kine. Apparently cattle do not perceive anything as ever changing.
| x'uuuh'rooh muuun meh | You will not kiss me |
| huuuhm eh'meh | My udder hurts |
| nuuux uuuh'hruun-nuum | Sweet grass makes good milk |
| uuuh'hnuum uuuh'noono meh | I laugh so hard I make butter |
| muumm-hren memooo-xox-mux | Truly democratic elections are like passing a boulder |
| muuun uuuh'muum-muuuxooo-moonu | Try that grass over here, it's nice and soft |
| meh uuuh'mo' eh'muuun | I seem to be pooping on your lunch |
| he' | dirt |
| hmeh | hoof |
| hmen | hole |
| hmenu | who |
| hmoohru | flower |
| hmuhru | rain |
| hnen | running |
| hnon | grass (frozen) |
| hnu' | up |
| hnuuh | clover |
| hnuum | laugh |
| hnuuxuu | river |
| ho' | grain |
| hoohuu | being |
| hremuu | kick |
| hren | democracy |
| hrom | before |
| hrooom | steer |
| hrooomuu | thing |
| hrooox | cream |
| hru' | small |
| hrum | herd |
| hruuhrooo | salt |
| hruum | surprise |
| hruun | milk |
| hruunuuu | grass (digested) |
| hruuxooo | grass (sour) |
| hun | jump |
| huuh | flatulating |
| huuuhm | udder (painful) |
| huuuhn | communism |
| huuur | milking |
| huux | yogurt |
| hux | lick |
| meh | self |
| memooo | deficating |
| meru | grass (dry) |
| meruuu | grass |
| mmoohno | drink |
| mmoomu | bull |
| mmoono | sleeping |
| mmoonooo | buttercup |
| mmooor | government |
| mmoox | tasting |
| mmuumuuu | grass (coarse) |
| mmuuummooo | digestion |
| mo' | grass (soiled) |
| moh | mouth |
| mom | religion |
| moo | nothing, emptiness, nonsense |
| moo' | after |
| mooh | going |
| moohm | monarch |
| moohmooo | down |
| moohmuu | excrement |
| moohruu | pain |
| moommo | procedure |
| moonoo | elsewhere |
| moonu | grass (soft) |
| moooh | shame |
| mooohn | talking |
| mooommuu | urine |
| mooon | barn |
| mu' | udder |
| muu'u | rubbing |
| muuhno | danger |
| muum | grass (being eaten) |
| muumm | vote |
| muummooo | field |
| muumo | grass (bitter) |
| muumu | republic |
| muuuhmoo | methane |
| muuun | not-self |
| muuux | zealot |
| muuuxooo | here |
| mux | big |
| neh | walking |
| nehuu | apocalypse |
| nomuuu | grass (wet) |
| non | disease |
| noohm | all |
| noohmooo | regurgitate |
| noomm | mating |
| noon | noise |
| noono | butter |
| nooohmuuu | direction |
| nooox | more |
| nooxu | water |
| nuu'ooo | cheese |
| nuuh | revolution |
| nuum | please |
| nuumooo | what |
| nuuux | grass (sweet) |
| rheh | to eat |
| rooh | kiss |
| roomuu | snow |
| rooohmuuu | day |
| roox | humor |
| ruum | chocolate |
| ruuunuuu | food |
| x' | no (negation) |
| xehr | urinating |
| xemmo | grass (being eaten again) |
| xeno | insect |
| xohr | anarchy |
| xon | push |
| xoomm | parliament |
| xoonoo | committee |
| xoooh | ice |
| xox | stone |
| xuuhr | cow |
| xuux | electing |
© Copyright 2003 Daniel Myers